My friend invited me for a quick coffee at her home last week. She is a mother of three and also homeschool two of the three. The third one is still a baby. I really look up to her, she is one of those friends that when you leave after a visit you never ever leave empty handed. She inspires you on every level, she never judge but she gives you straight answer and honest advise. We were walking to my car and she said to me “you know what, me and my husband had a chat the other day and we were trying to think of someone who does not have marriage problems and who is really happy. The only couple we could think of was you and H. Remember how I had to comfort you 5 years ago and look where you are today. You are an example to others. I want to compliment you on not giving up, on respecting your husband no matter what. The two of you have this glow, something that others do not have yet. You have changed drastically the last three years” I was stunned. I didn’t even know what to say. I just thanked her, but couldn’t stop thinking about her words on the way home.
We were at a dinner and dance this weekend. We had to dress like hippies. The man was not pleased, it is totally out of his comfort zone to dress-up like something or someone else. But he did it for me, I just love the man. He put the head band on and everything. He kept it on until after the photo’s and took it off with a sigh of relieve. It was a nice evening though. I realized how patient he is with me, even though he is not a very patient person over all. But with me and the girls he can hold his temper quite long. I was one of the organizers of the dinner and dance, so I had to leave the table every now and then to attend to something and he sat there waiting for me, at one point he even helped me to take away the dishes. I have noticed something. He is different, we are different than the rest. Not better, that is not what I mean. But we have something, something deeper that the others don’t have. The way we are with each other, how we treat and think about each other all the time. It was not as visible between the other couples around the table. Saturday evening when I thought of this I thought it was only becuase I knew how we do things, I thought I was imagining it. But Monday one of the girls at my work who just got ingaged came straight up to me and asked “what is your secret?”. I asked what she meant and she explained. ” The two of you looked more in love than anybody else and you are married how long? With two children. Plus you did not even drink alcohol!” (We are not ‘big drinkers”) We only took a bottle of soda with. She went on, “you have something, a spark. You seemed more in love than me and my fiance. So out with it, what is your secret?” I didn’t think that explaining DD/ttwd to her was going to be the best answer at my work place so I just said we really work hard on mutual respect and believe in our specific roles in the relationship and we focus on each others’ needs. I could see she was listening intently and said “that is my goal, to be like you guys ten/twenty years from now”.
People notice, even if we think they don’t. This feedback just confirmed to me that we are on the right path. I understand the dangers and I accept that it must be something that you do not take too lightly. So far it seems that DD/ttwd did more good for us than any other thing we have tried before to enrich our marriage. My husband said something to me last week he said, “we are not DD, we are US.” At first I didn’t understand what he meant, but thinking about it made sense. We took the tool and made it our own. We are unique and we apply this tool/lifestyle to fit our own needs. And it worked.
I never realized that what we have is so visible to others, maybe it is because we are always in our own bubble of love. Maybe it is because the change happened so gradually over the years that we only notice the visibility of it if we look back or get comments like I got recently. Sure, we have lots of challenges, we made lots of mistakes as well. But they only helped us grow.