My strength an act of submission

As I kneel before him to rub his feet, I do it with a heavy heart. As my hands work on his skin, I want to rub out the pain and fear in his eyes. I want to cr y the tears I know he will not cry but has every right to. As I take his strong hands in mine, I massage them while praying for a miracle for this man of my heart. Tonight he reminds me of a camel. The load just keeps falling on his back, yet when his eyes are staring in mine they soften. I take his face in my hands still kneeling in front of him and I wish I can take away this cup from him. But all I can do is love, trust and respect him no matter what.

Finally I cannot take it anymore and I put my arms around his waist with this hopeless feeling in my heart. Then I hear his stern yet loving voice “Did you do everything on your list today?”. I look up and he can see it in my eyes, I am forgetful and I did not drink all my water. He just stares at me and then he says”come sit next to me, let me hold you”. How amazing is this man!!!

He just heard that there is a big possibility that he might lose his job in a very unfair way. After he devoted himself 100% and stayed loyal for all this time. My honest, committed and delligent man is being treated like this. Oh my heart cannot take this. We are almost at the end of the most challenging time of our life. My motherr -in-law is under our wings and now we are hit with this bomb!!

But here he looks down to me and tend my needs, to us. To the thing that makes us, us. May he be blessed beyond his imagination.

***

The next day I got a message from him “My love, prepare yourself for an intense maintenance”. Boy and it was. I got in the living room and he asked me to take of my pants and bend over the bed (yeah, we have a single bed in the living room that is now a huge couch). He started with twenty with his hand and then that darn wooden spoon. His mom was working on the night shift at the hospital so we had privacy for the first time in months! He went on and on until everything came out. It was as if the walls I put up to protect myself against anything this past few uncertain months came tumbling down. There were still no tears, then he put the spoon down and continued with his hand, hard and rhythmic. And then it came, I let it all out. My guilt, frustration, rejection, stress, exhaustion and off coarse the pain my poor man is facing now! It was sobering and convicting. He then quietly turned me around and took me intimately. We connected in a very deep way. I put my arms around his neck. It felt as if I was covering him from the world and his pain. For now it is my turn to be strong for him. Sometimes it is the submissive wife’s strength that is also a way of being pleasing and submissive to your man. At least this is what I am learning at this very moment in my life.

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. ZBG says:

    This is a tough journey for you guys. He is lucky to have you there to believe in him and hold him up when he is down and defeated. ❤ Hang onto God and truth. As long as you do that you will have peace beyond understanding.
    It's dark tonight but at some point the sun will come back out. I am praying you through.

    Love, peace and joy to you both. And may truth win. Glad you let it all out.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. hisjoli says:

    Hi ZBG,
    Thank you for your prayers and support. Hugs! 🙂

    Like

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