Cleaning the rug

Carefully he rolls up his favorite beautiful rug. He carries it outside and gently hangs it over the rail. His hand slides over the softness of the rug and his eyes enjoy the cozy colors of it. He steps back to admire it and then remembers the full potential of the rug in front of him. How it sets the cozy tone in the room where it lies on the floor in front of the fire place. How their children sit on it and play while they enjoy family time. How it’s colors compliment everything in the room. Something is missing at this moment. The dust on it is hiding the brightness of the colors.”Let’s do something about it,” he thinks, while picking up the stick on the ground and pulling his arm back. He swings his arm forward and the sound of the stick hitting the rug makes a brutal sound. Over and over he strikes the rug with force. Hard enough to clean the rug but gentle enough not to damage it. He pauses for a while and watch the dust moving up in the sunlight. He smiles because the warm colors of the rug are becoming bright again where it was once hidden by the dust. Determined he resumes with the stick and carries on, strike after strike until the rug was hanging before him in its full potential.

Pleased with the outcome he takes the rug and gently rolls it up again and puts it safe under his arm. He enters the room with satifaction. Softly he rolls the rug open, moves it on its place and stands back to admire the lovely atmosphere it brings in the room. It changes everything in the room, from good to even better. There where it is, clean and on its place.





For those of you who are wondering, I am not in any way comparing women or their role in the house with a rug on the floor to walk over. No, but I am comparing the role of a spanking with the proses of cleaning a rug. To me this is what it feels like. A maintenance, role affirmation, stress reliever and even a punishment spanking brings me to that cleansing feeling and it lifts up the heavy weight of my emotions, stress or even transgressions. The whole proses, not just the spanking itself. It brings me back to my place where I flourish and reach my full potential,where my influence and actions are a sweet fragrance to everyone in the house. A happy and content atmosphere is what I am aiming for. And when H brings me to that point, then I am able to be that which I desire to be.


I wanted to elaborate only on the good effects of a spanking, in my opinion off coarse. But a few things happened these past two weeks and I changed my idea a little.

You see, we chose this, it works for us. It’s a very powerful and successful tool. But I have realized that there are a few dangers if we do not keep our focus on the fact that this is merely a choice and an ambition. Because without commitment and hard work, all this means nothing.

When I say commitment, I do not mean I commit to submit because he is committed to use DD as a tool to help me stay submissive. Because then the responsibility fully lies on him. Although I strongly feel that the husband that has committed himself to this should try to keep it consistent for the sake of the growth of their relationship’s trust and intimacy. But it is his responsibility to stay committed in his role and mine to stay committed in my role. So actually it is apart from each other. One of my blog friends whom I communicate with quite often, once said to me “you’ve got to make up your mind to stay submissive even if he never spanks you again. That is true submission.” And although it was something that got me thinking, I did not really grasp the depth of those words and the commitment it was going to ask of me. Until these past few months.

We as DD wives or even just submissive wives make a few mistakes which only deprives us from our peace, joy and contentment. We forget to focus on the bigger picture. Worse we forget to focus on our own bigger picture. These past few months we went through so many unforeseen situations and it made our bigger picture look very dim and sometimes even dark.

During this time H went through so many stages that I did not know what and who we were and if we were still okay. Because of this I have gone through many days of feeling rejected, neglected and unappreciated. I felt he has abandoned his commitment to me and also went through stages of frustration and anger towards him and myself.

I came to terms with the following. I am unique, he is unique. Our lives and our circumstances are unique. I can seek help from friends, they will help the best they can. But they are not in my situation. I am here, I am the one standing at the cross road. I have to make the choice. I have realized that I was comparing myself to others and their DD marriages, especially when it was going well for them and ours appeared more passive. I focused on what others had and that made me feel unsatisfied and filled with the need to change us.

Secondly I caught myself focusing only on the sexual part of DD. Don’t get me wrong a man in control and doing what a DD husband does, is HOT! Like in the picture below it causes butterflies in my belly, HOTNESS! It ensures a healthy sex life with passion that a lot of people only dream about. It is sexy! It makes him sexy! Which is very good for a marriage. But really, is that all what DD is about? Because then all this are just a bunch of games. For me, I don’t only want him to give me butterflies when he gives me a look or whisper a warning in my ear. When he takes control and spanks me. I want him to do it, because it helps me to be what I want to be. It motivates me to always be the best I can be.


Thirdly I kept focusing on what I need and when he is not giving me what I need. In other words, I lost the whole point of being submissive. Because all I wanted was my needs to be fulfilled. “If only he would take this serious, I would do better. If only he would take care of my needs I wouldn’t be so moody. If only he would be more consistent. If only he would listen to my heart”. Although I believe those things I’ve just mentioned will help a lot. It does not give me a right to withhold my submission or to wait for him to fix everything the way I want him to.

So what am I trying to say. Being loving and submissive in our case means you focus on him. In my case I ultimately focus on God and then on my husband. For it is as unto the Lord I submit to my husband in everything, it pleases not only H but God as well and opens the way for harmony in the household.

The rug is lying on its place. Being what it is made for. Not because you put it there or because you make use of it often or take care of it. But becuase it is what it is. We should be what we are without the help we think we need. And if your husband with his ichtcy palm or stern eyes or strict warnings does come along to help you all the better. Bonus!


But it is not the only way to good behavior or choices. Although it is easier said then done, we are still grown women at the end of the day, capable of making the right choices.

Let’s enjoy their sternesss, leadership, discipline, motivation, help and the sexyness of this thing we do. Let’s be content when they are on their game and taking charge and show them the gratitude for it. But let’s not let our submission only depend on how we feel or on what they do or don’t, but on our own mature choices and commitment. Be what you are suppose to be in front of your own fire place.




6 Comments Add yours

  1. ZBG says:

    Very well said. I absolutely agree with you. I was also in that dangerous place of comparing our lives to others and depending on Zeke to make things better. Once I let go of ttwd and any expectations I was filled with peace. Once in a blue moon he helps me out of a dark place but we CHOOSE to respect each other because it’s the right thing to do. I find the less I read on the Internet the more content I am. Because I have nothing to compare us to. We are who we are and that’s okay!

    Good post my friend. ❤


    1. hisjoli says:

      Hey you,
      We always want our men to be dominant, I think if we just let go, like you said it actually gives them the space to explore their leadership and gradually will be able to fulfill us anyway. Not because they were pushed but becuase we respect them unconditionally. Glad you enjoyed it.


  2. the.mrs says:

    Thank you. Your metaphor makes a depth of sense. I get lost under a cloud of confusion too and often have to fine tune my focus back onto what God wants from me, how he sees me, and how I can truly show my husband I love him in how I show him respect. That is what we are made for, that is what brings wholeness! Everything else is a bonus!

    DD can be complex. Navigating true submission can be complex, but God never leaves unfinished a good work he begins, DD or no DD, affirmation from others, or feeling “up to par,” or not. I am so relieved and glad he doesn’t! Sometimes I am in the midst of the learning curve of what really shows my man true respect. My thoughts and actions can be across the board until I come upon the “right way” God has for us.

    Thanks for sharing, you helped further lift a dark cloud that has wanted to settle over me recently. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. hisjoli says:

      Hey there,
      So glad I can help others by learning from my mistakes ;). We are all in this, trying to find our own way, the right way. We can only keep on keeping on. It is good to hear from you. 🙂



  3. Kate says:

    Thank you for your profound post- as always, it speaks right to the heart of submission 🙂 In my opinion there is nothing harder for a submissive wife- it is one thing to intend to submit regardless of our husbands’ actions or inactions, and another to actually do it. It is so hard, and I am ashamed at how often I fail to do so. But what a great point you make in that to commit regardless of whether we get anything in return, this is the way we as Christians should always operate. Thanks for the reminder friend. We are so lucky to have you to share this road with us!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. hisjoli says:

    Hi Kate,
    We all fail. That’s why we grow. Lucky indeed to have each other. We can do this. Thanks for your sincere comment.


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